ICE TO SEE YOU

Whilst working at the Sandpiper restaurant Andrew’s head chef asked him to nip into the walk in freezer as he had done many times before and pick out some Seabass for that night’s service. Andrew obediently set off for the freezer, focused upon the task at hand. .

Thirty minutes later the Chef was still Seabass-less and no-one had seen or heard from Andrew since he went off to retrieve them. A kitchen wide search was underway a short time afterwards as concern grew within the staff for their team mate. A quivering Hindley was found sometime later by a young kitchen porter in the deep freeze, ice forming on his whites and unable to speak.

In 1994 Jima Carrey and Jeff Daniels made our sides literally split in the movie Dumb and Dumber. For Andrew it would seem one laugh-out-loud moment registered in his mind more than others…when the dopey ‘Harry’ gets his tongue stuck to a frosty telephone pole. Now, for most normal people the idea of putting your tongue on frozen metal is funny on screen but not something we would like to experience first hand…as we all know however Andrew is no ordinary being. Overcome with curiosity Andrew had seen his chance to see if this phenomenon was a scientific fact or Hollywood fabrication…he found out the hard way.

On first inspection Andrew wasn’t convinced that his tongue would indeed stick to the freezer shelf, although he thought that he could definitely feel some kind of pull when he flicked the tip at it. Not someone who does things by halves Andrew then flattened his tongue like a paddle and pressed it firmly down for thirty seconds.

Blood poured across the interior of the fridge and freezer when Andrew’s tongue was finally ripped from the freezer frame, leaving behind a thin sliver of skin from the hapless Hindley’s mouth that, for health and safety required the defrosting of the whole freezer the next week to remove! As testament to his devoted work ethic Andrew offered to work the rest of his shift, despite nearly bleeding to death, his whites looking like he worked in an abatoire and not being able to speak…to his surprise he was told to go home

TATT'S YOUR LOT!

One summer holiday Andrew ventured to the Greek Island of Falaraki with pals Hurst and Forsh … During a routine afternoon drinking session the trio had been encouraged to join in a friendly game of ring of fire, during which all the reps, in a mean twist of fate, decided to team up against Andy for ‘shits and giggles’. They were seemingly determined not to stop until he was well and truly destroyed, which they accomplished with mammoth amounts of high volume alcohol. An ouzo infused round or two later and Andy was in a world of his own, falling over and completely wiping out the local henna tattooist stall, much to the chagrin of stelios and his chums. Forsh and Hurst did some quick bargaining and agreed that if Hindley paid for a tattoo everything would be smoothed over. After a quick flick through the book the decision over which design to go for was made for him… Winnie the Pooh with a wee butterfly. Everything went relatively smoothly with the tattoo as Andy had completely passed out at this stage. However, as the finishing touches were being applied Andrew awoke with a start and fell over smudging the henna tattoo ink leaving a slightly blurry Winnie in the wake.

The next morning Andy remembered non of this and when the hundred acre’s woods merry bear looked back at him in the bathroom mirror he completely freaked out. Naturally you cant wash a henna off, you need alcohol (which Andrew certainly wouldn’t have wanted to waste anyway) so andy thought it was a bonafide permanent tattoo and spent the rest of his vacation panicking about what his mother would say about the tat..

ESCAPE FROM THE FORBIDDEN ISLE

On a floatilla sailing holiday around the Canary Islands Andrew befriended the daughter of another sailor and slowly they began to bond. They both enjoyed the La's album and Bob Marley, they enjoyed daquiri's in the sunset and an oakey merlot under the stars. Andrew's muscles became taught and bronzed during his time at sea and her sunkissed air caught the shimmer of the surf as the boats cascaded across the waves. 

Inevitably one night Andrew and the girl became more then friends as hey became entwined in a passionate embrace, discovering each other's bodies in the most intimate of manners...and at times doing things that are only generally allowed in Bangkok. All was perfect as they sailed into Gran Canaria, basking in their newly formed romance and soaking up the summer sun. 

Andrew had been all to aware however of the girl's father who kept a disapproving eye on him throughout the weeks at sea. Maybe she had been hurt before, or maybe he was just a protective father thought Andrew...little did he know that there were far more sinister factors at play.

Never the best judge of age the sixteen year old Andrew found out just in time that the girl was in fact a little to young for him, in fact at twelve years old she was almost a little to young for high school! As word spread about their night of passion a very unsettled Hindley got word that the girls father, a ex navy-marine, was "looking for him," and, fearing for his safety, fled the island in a raft destined for the neighboring islands where he slept on the beach with neither food nor water until the girl and her father had set sail for pastures new.

On his return Andrew was quizzed about what had happened, in response he said "Age never came into it, she was highly developed for a girl of that age and knew things that belied her years completely"