TATT'S YOUR LOT!

One summer holiday Andrew ventured to the Greek Island of Falaraki with pals Hurst and Forsh … During a routine afternoon drinking session the trio had been encouraged to join in a friendly game of ring of fire, during which all the reps, in a mean twist of fate, decided to team up against Andy for ‘shits and giggles’. They were seemingly determined not to stop until he was well and truly destroyed, which they accomplished with mammoth amounts of high volume alcohol. An ouzo infused round or two later and Andy was in a world of his own, falling over and completely wiping out the local henna tattooist stall, much to the chagrin of stelios and his chums. Forsh and Hurst did some quick bargaining and agreed that if Hindley paid for a tattoo everything would be smoothed over. After a quick flick through the book the decision over which design to go for was made for him… Winnie the Pooh with a wee butterfly. Everything went relatively smoothly with the tattoo as Andy had completely passed out at this stage. However, as the finishing touches were being applied Andrew awoke with a start and fell over smudging the henna tattoo ink leaving a slightly blurry Winnie in the wake.

The next morning Andy remembered non of this and when the hundred acre’s woods merry bear looked back at him in the bathroom mirror he completely freaked out. Naturally you cant wash a henna off, you need alcohol (which Andrew certainly wouldn’t have wanted to waste anyway) so andy thought it was a bonafide permanent tattoo and spent the rest of his vacation panicking about what his mother would say about the tat..

ESCAPE FROM THE FORBIDDEN ISLE

On a floatilla sailing holiday around the Canary Islands Andrew befriended the daughter of another sailor and slowly they began to bond. They both enjoyed the La's album and Bob Marley, they enjoyed daquiri's in the sunset and an oakey merlot under the stars. Andrew's muscles became taught and bronzed during his time at sea and her sunkissed air caught the shimmer of the surf as the boats cascaded across the waves. 

Inevitably one night Andrew and the girl became more then friends as hey became entwined in a passionate embrace, discovering each other's bodies in the most intimate of manners...and at times doing things that are only generally allowed in Bangkok. All was perfect as they sailed into Gran Canaria, basking in their newly formed romance and soaking up the summer sun. 

Andrew had been all to aware however of the girl's father who kept a disapproving eye on him throughout the weeks at sea. Maybe she had been hurt before, or maybe he was just a protective father thought Andrew...little did he know that there were far more sinister factors at play.

Never the best judge of age the sixteen year old Andrew found out just in time that the girl was in fact a little to young for him, in fact at twelve years old she was almost a little to young for high school! As word spread about their night of passion a very unsettled Hindley got word that the girls father, a ex navy-marine, was "looking for him," and, fearing for his safety, fled the island in a raft destined for the neighboring islands where he slept on the beach with neither food nor water until the girl and her father had set sail for pastures new.

On his return Andrew was quizzed about what had happened, in response he said "Age never came into it, she was highly developed for a girl of that age and knew things that belied her years completely"       

ARCHIMEDES

A devout Animal lover Andrew was extatic one sunday moring to find a hedgehog in his back garden. Deciding he wanted to keep it as a pet Andrew carefully put netting around his garden to prevent little "Archimedes" as he came to be known, escaping. He also put netting over the garden pond so as to ensure he wouldn't fall in.

It was time for Church no sooner had he finished securing Archimedes' garden home and Andrew bid the little creature goodbye, trundling down the street for Mass.

On return an hour later Andrew headed straight for the garden to play with his new pet, yet Archimedes was nowhere to be found. Fearful that he had escaped Andrew began checking every corner of the garden until he evntually located him. Whilst quenching his thirst at Andrew's pond little Archimedes had become entangled in the net's that had been placed down for his 'safety' and ended up drowning!

A distraught Andrew began digging a grave in the flower bed so as to give the brave little hedgehog a proper send off, but sadly the plot he had chosen was about two inches two short to fit him in. So Andrew did what he was sure any self-respecting animal lover would do under the circumstances; he began to drive the spade through archimedes to sever him in half. Once the procedure was complete Andrew placed all the 'bits' of Archimedes in a bloody heap and covered him over.