OL' RED

Love is a strange thing. With mounting student debt, secret overdrafts catching up with him, personal loans, maxed out credit cards and no job Andrew felt that to go to see a girl he'd "sort of" been seeing for 2 months (during which time they'd both been unfaithful numerous times and Andrew had developed and lied about a rather impressive drug habit) a new credit card was in order. Andrew worked hard in the gym for three months and scrimped and saved to show her a really good time, hopeful that this time he could make it work.

He jettisoned off to the Sunshine State in such haste that he forgot to book ay accommodation, opting instead to head for the only other place he could go once he touched down... the bar. As he waited in ernest for his beloved Andrew began to sink a few Long Islands... then a few shot's of Diesel 153. When he awoke the next morning he was not by a girls side but rather in a friends house... apparently he was so drunk that she had left the bar in disgust on the mere sight of him.  

Desperate to make amends and plead forgiveness Andrew, now less than flattering in appearance and odor, fumbled over to his would be lover's apartment and went inside... what the heart wants the body cannot always provide however as Andrew proceeded to vomit so violently and vehemently that he burst all the blood vessels in part of his face, turning the whites of his eyes a vicious, deep crimson that took the best part of a week to abate. looking like some freakish cross between a Manga cartoon and the Terminator Andrew picked himself up and vowed to himself that when his girl came home that night he would be a different person... twelve hours later he was off his mash at a party with a gang of Mexican's down International Drive... Andrew and the girl decided it would be better if they didn't see each other anymore.

HINDLEY, WILD MAN OF THE HURRICANE

Hurricane Season in the United States is no laughing matter. Homes are ruined and failure to prepare yourself properly can result in injury or even death. As hurricane Carla edged towards Andrew's abode people drained the supermarkets and chesmists for provisions and boarded up their houses for what was promising to be a long and terrifying 24 hours. Local's eyebrows were raised when they saw Andrew return from his ration run with two crates of Milwauke Best premium lager under his arms and a bottle of Creme de Menthe!!!

Overnight the storm raged hard, ripping tree's from the ground and leaving a trail of destruction in it's wake...As morning came Andrew was due to goto help the Hurricane Relief drive in work but he was nowhere to be seen, leaving some to think that he was still in bed or too afraid to venture into the hurricane. On route to the bus that would take them to work the other volunteers were more than a little surprised when walking past a bush they heard a rustling and grunting. Mistaking it for racoons or armadillo's the troop nearly jumped out of it's skin when a ragged Andrew, shoeless and cut to ribbons emerged from the undergrowth. Having seemingly just come to after god knows what sort of escapade Andrew, dedicated as ever, got on the bus with his cohorts and trundled through the eye of the storm to assist in the relief...though when he got to work he spent the next few hours sleeping in the laundry bin.

FOUR PLAY

After a particularly stressful affair at work, due in part to Andrew fooling around with another colleagues girlfriends...for the second time, Andrew decided to take a personal day and accompany his housemate for 18 holes at Eagle Pines Golf Course. 

Having never struck a ball before Andrew decided to act as caddy for the day and the two headed out to the pargo bay to rent a buggy. After loading the clubs on the back signs of Andrews driving skills being less than up to par were becoming evident as he crashed into a line of rented clubs,sending them toppling over in a domino effect.

Nevertheless Andrew, who had never been in charge of so much as a lawnmower before let alone a real people carrying motor vehicle, tentatively eased out of the bay and headed onto the first tee. 

A typical round of golf may take around three hours to play...Andrew was on the course that day for around about 90 minutes in total. Skidding around the fairways, pulling donuts in the sand traps, skirting swampy rough and jumping over humps and bumps as he tore up the landscape Andrew zoomed around the course like Seyna at Monaco, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake and turning the pristinely white pargo into a safari jeep from a war-torn nation. At the seventeenth hole Andrew almost wrote the buggy off entirely. Jumping over what he had mistook for a small rise Andrew crashed the vehicle shot over a grassy verge and into the shallows of a small swamp that required both passengers to drag the electric buggy out of.

On return from the course the club pro took one look at the buggy and asked, "who's responsible for the bad driving?" to which Andrew pointed to his housemate and said, "this guy right here, he hit a seven on hole 16 and has been fading the ball all day."