ANDY LENNOX

Has he been 'talking to an Angel'? True to form Andrew (never shy of flaunting his innate sense of fashion with bravado) has recently opted for a hair cut, some new specs and has begun to favor the cardigan as an alternative to the jumper/jacket...Maybe we're wrong but to us it looks like he's slowly transforming into everyones favorite Scottish lesbian-cum-songstress Annie Lennox... Sweet Dreams?

HIND IN THE WILLOWS

Camping, what could be more relaxing. A leisurely jaunt into the west sussex countryside may have seemed like the perfect way to unwind for messr Hindley and a few work chums. Yet what began as a quiescent afternoon quickly snowballed into a messy affair awash with talking cows, grand theft bateaux and a high river adventure that Mississippi's own mark Twain would have been proud of!

After a slow start Andrew hit top hedonistic form and was destroyed in that way we all know and love by mid afternoon. Continuing on well into the evening the heir to the Hindley empire decided that an evening constitutional away from the protection of the camp was exactly what the doctor ordered. Sauntering into a nearby field Andrew found that he was not alone but was in the company of some of Fresia's finest dairy cows. The charismatic Hindley engaged the cows in thought provoking conversation for a number of hours. Eventually he was captured by his workmates in the early hours of the morning and returned to the camp.

A beast that can never be tamed however, Andrew again decided that the camp could not hold his ambition for the evening and decided that if he couldn't escape on foot then he would find alternative means...Ever the keen sailor Andrew managed to locate a row boat moored nearby and recognised it's potential. Clambering into the vessel Hindley cast off into the meandering river and began to bob downstream. And so it was that at five thirty on Sunday morning Andrew began his journey down the wily, Sussex creek, seemingly at it's mercy with neither oars nor rudder to guide him on his way...as the sun rose further, Andrew drifted into a drunken slumber.

Eventually andrew awoke as he crashed into the bank miles downstream, disoriented and scared, a look at his phone informed him that the campers were due to leave shortly and so Hindley began paddling upstream with his hands. After a number of miles, hands blackened from the muddy water and barely awake from fatigue and hunger Andrew made it back to camp where he was chastised for vanishing. Fiercely proud Andrew then made it clear that he had no intention of alighting from his vessel...until he was given a timely reminder that it wasn't actually his in the first place!

HIGHBALL

Andrew enjoys keeping fit and is always eager to join in team sports every chace he gets. One evening Andrew was asked to play 5-a-side football by a colleague and, seen as how he already had his gear from the gym with him, agreed.

Andrew went the gym after work as usual, sculpting his guns in preparation for the summer. What Andrew didn't notice however was that in his haste to make it to football afterwards, he'd left his shorts on the locker room floor.

It was up at the pitch that Andrew discovered his debacle. Andrew was the fifth man and failure to run out would mean the team had to forfeit the game. The concept of letting the team down and not playing was not an option so Andrew, remembering that he was wearing green and blue tartan boxer shorts, began to play with the idea of not needing his shorts at all. Stripping down Andrew carefully stepped onto the pitch, the rest of the players on the other 8 pitches all unaware that he was in his underwear.

As the game began the committed Andrew went in for a high challenege, giving the oncoming striker an eyefull of something he didn't expect. After a few more of these incidents, sometimes with members of his own team and once with the reffree Andrew was consigned to goalkeeper duty. Both teams agreed it was the best solution for everybody. He may have lost his shorts in the gym but on the field of play Andrew lost a whole lot more...

THE NAKED TRUTH...

A born survivor Andrew has conditioned his body to deal with any eventuality. After a night out in Brighton Andrew was 1 pound short of the price for a chicken burger. Unfazed he managed to barter with colleagues for the elusive currency he required in exchange for going for a late night swim. An affinity for the sea has forged Andrew into a fine swimmer and he wasted no time in heading off to the beach where he cast off his clothes and headed out into the murky surf. December is a bitterly cold time of year on the seafront and a thick snowy blanket was descending upon the coast as Andrew trudged to the waters’ edge, triumphantly marching into the shallows with his arms raised in triumph.

Andrew’s night took a turn for the worse however as he was caught in a rip current and vanished beneath the waves a few meters out, surfacing a few seconds later as a mere silhouette in the distance and frantically paddling back towards the shore. Andrew fought the elements dragging him under with all his might and eventually returned, out of breath safely to the beach.

Andrew’s woe was not over though as a new challenge faced him. The current had dragged him down the beach and in the pitch-blackness Andrew couldn’t locate his clothing or belongings. Naked as the day he was born, close to hypothermia and with clubs on the beach emptying out in droves Andrew frantically scoured the coast for his clothing and his passport which he’d failed to give to friends…Eventually Andrew located his clothes and, without having anything to dry himself with, pulled them on and trudged, sopping wet, off to claim his hard earned pound, which enabled him to buy his kebab shop chicken burger. The second everyone got home Andrew cast off his salty wet clothes and enjoyed some down time (see photo)